she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
