why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
