So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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