yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
