There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My cat gives me a boner
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
