I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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