i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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