I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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