he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
