Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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