I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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