You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She's the barista slut.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
