please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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