omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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