update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
