It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
