Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
