whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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