dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize