just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The best walk of shames are on the highway
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
