no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You ruined the universe
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