3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
