so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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