afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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