Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
