So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
