Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
