you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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