got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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