I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
