the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
