fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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