Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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