grandma shit on top of the toilet
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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