I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
