May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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