I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
