Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the condom got lost in my hair
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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