Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
high people should be assigned attendants
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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