i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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