In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
