I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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