Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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