I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
