Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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