it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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