You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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