im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
