What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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