i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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