I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
