She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
