Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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