My first STD was from a foam party
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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