We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
