I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you win again, gameday.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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