i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
