so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
