I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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