He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
