I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's always time for handjobs
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
