Your tits are I can't wait for
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize