Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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