apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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