my mouth tastes like poor choices
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
