Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
