to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
