Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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