I think im going to throw up on grandma
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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