pedialite and red bull = repair kit
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
