it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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