put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize