I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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