just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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