she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
