Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
