Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize