3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize