when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
