Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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