i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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