Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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