they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
