Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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