While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
