Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
